I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
