she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
