I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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