I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
