You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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