Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
