glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
