There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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