We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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