well you can't waste a boner
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
