is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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