he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
