I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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