I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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