Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
