drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
