I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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