In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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