mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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