Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
