so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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