...so i touched it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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