Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
