my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
