I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
