You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
