bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
