I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Watching her eat just hurts me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
