I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
