When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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