he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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