Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
