she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
