I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
