I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
