dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
