Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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