I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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