Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
