I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
