A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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