You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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