I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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