I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
