Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
