If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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