I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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