Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
