Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
