I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
