i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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